Finishing the Game

Hey man whats that sound, everyone look whats going down.

I feel nervous inside now. I hate feeling like that. I aint sure why I feel like this, I just do. I have something to prove. Have you ever had anything to prove? Have you ever had something to prove? To others, but mostly to yourself? This is how I feel today? This is how I feel all the time lately.

Its early afternoon. And I am in my new apartment. I live on Grandview. Not that it has a grandview, its just the name of the street. I am just sitting on my torn ripped up sofa, watching TV, sorta spaced out, dreaming of a life not my own. I hear a knock at the door. I wonder who it could be? As I open the door I see JayJ there. JayJ is sorta a friend. I met him through my best friend Cheto. Cheto died about 5 months ago from a cocain overdose. I havent seen JayJ since the funeral that day. I say hello, JayJ has trouble saying hello back. Its a clear sign he's all messed up. He has a bottle of evian water in his left hand, not a good sign either. I'll tell you later what the water is for. I wish at that moment I hadnt of answered the damn door. It was a big mistake, wasnt the first id make today and surely not the last. He pushes his way in. He's on edge. I can see sweat on his forhead. He says "sup man"
I reply "Hey JayJ im on my way out dude."
"That cool man give me a lift."

I sigh as I nod my head. mistake #2 right there.

As we get into my truck, he quickly pulls out the foil which I am so accustomed too. It was what we used for crank, crank for those uneducated is meth, its a synthetic drug, a speed substitue of coke. It keeps you higher longer than coke though and its more addicting. It was a drug of choice of many in our hoods.

"Man do you have to do that in here?"

"Dude chill aight, do you want a hit?"

"Nah man I been clean since Chetos death"

"Whatever"

He pulls the square piece of foil open and takes out a small baggy. Not much left in it, maybe a nickel probably just a few hits. He dumps it in the foils and aligns in with the edge in the middle. He opens his water bottle and wets his fingers, all he needs is a few good drops into the foily. It mixes with the crank, he has a straw he pulls out and expertly puts it in his mouth. He turns the lighter on and puts it underneath the foily. He moves it across and side to side burning the foil evenly. Darkish smoke rises from the foil as the smoke rises he inahles it throught he straw. Its a beautifule thing. I know how he feels as he takes it in. There is no greater feeling in the world than that first hit. And till you've had it, you'll just wont ever know how good it truely can be. He stops the light and holds it in for a few seconds finally releasing. He does this process twice more and finally puts away his "supplies", he turns on a cigarrete and tells me to drive.

I ask where to, and he says Luis's house.
strike #3 for me, bad just got worse.
You see Luis is a dust head, sells it now too. For those not in the know, dust is short for angel dust aka PCP. Its some nasty shit and not for the first timers or casual user. We drive to Range road. We get to a green formica house with the screen door almost falling off the hinges. Luis turns and says, "lend me 10 man ill pay ya back later."

I say I dont have any money sorry.

He says bullshit and pulls out a small 38 caliber automatic. He has it to head. I can feel the cold steel on the side of my temple. I freeze. Anyone ever tell you that having a gun to your head is no big deal is bullshitting you. I been shot at yeah. That was scary. This is 10 times scarier. I think about my sister and the kids. A part of me always wished for death, but now in the face of Death I realize just how much I want to live.

I tell JayJ I only got 50 bucks in my sock. He reaches down and is able to quickly find it, guys like us always stash it in the same place. He has the money checks to make sure its real.

JayJ tells me to drive off, he manages to say he's sorry, but that he knows I understand. I dont even look at him I drive. A part of me wants to cry at how scared I am. Another part of me wants to cry at how pissed off I am. You ever felt like that, being so pissed you just want to stop and yell and break anything near you. Some idiot just came into my life and almost took the little I had. I have so very little, and yet he so fit to take what little I do have. Sound familiar? Think about it.

I go into another world, far from this one.

I have driven for I dont know how long. Time kinda just came together. In a split second my life was changed, again. Someone I didnt know and didnt know me came in and tried to take it. This is what I faced a few days ago. And the object of my hate is Fox.

"Fox I am sorry if you feel I have judged you. For I could never be your judge, maybe god and lovers but never me. But just like JayJ did in another time, you did take something away from me, wether you know it or not. Before last night I had so much respect for you, you had no idea. Though I wished to face you, you were, maybe still are the one I hoped I could one day be. But your words from Walsh shows me you are not who I believe you to be. I got friends who have a syaing, tell me who your friends are I will tell you who you are."

Doom gets to the site where Legion's church once stood. Its nothing but ashes and sutt now. Burned down to the ground.

And with that said remember its not that I live in the past, its that I refuse to forget it and those who came before. You burned down a church that belonged to our friend. It was not yours to burn Fox. Not yours to touch. Somewhere along the line you forgot your place. But I never forgot mine, how could I forget my place I have none. No one would allow me to fit in, though now that I see you all clearly I am glad I am not one of you. You see Legion left this legacy, this church, as a reminder for us not to forget him. Yet forgetton he has become. You torched this place and laughed. Yet it doesnt matter. Though I did not believe in the things that Legion stood for. I believed in him. As I believe and trust in Shadow. Something you dont understand. You say you have every right to demand, your life and your sould poured into the walls of SFT, you are right, your words ring true, but if you have earned the right to demand, what has Shadow earned? Has he not earned it more than any of us? But you forget that a few nights ago didnt you? Chose one person with nothing but hate in his heart over someone who would give you anything you asked, well just about anything, there are some things even he wont do. You found that out first hand didnt you?"

"But you are right Fox, who the #### am I? I am no one. As you said it I am a loser. Your words struck home last night. In what world could I ever hope to beat you? In what world could I ever hope to compete with you? I musta been high when I challenged you. I smoked too much weed and for one idiotic moment thought I had a prayer. But guys like me dont get prayers answered. After all we are nothing. Not allowed to feel or pray or hope. You are right In my life I a loser, with no end in sight. You and I both knew coming into this I could not win. Would not win. You are loved, while I am hated. Ask yourself why that is? Things could be easier for me if I were more like the rest of you. So quick to hurt those who have given more to us than anyone. Quick to turn my back on those that never failed us. Things would be easier if I just gave up. If I'd just go away and never come back. but the world people needs people like me, we keep you all honest. And without honesty thered be nothing but, well you know what kind of people there are in the world, you're one of them.

You think I spit in your face Fox? You spat on mine and others the night you made that demand. You spat on me the night you torched the house of our friend. So I will end this story with these words. You think you earned the right to speak in SFT, but you didnt just speak did you? You demanded. Ture you have given more than most, but theres someone who has given even more than you. Who is that person Fox? Answer that and you answer my question.

Doom walks withing the church what is left of it.

"I'm still here. Where are you Fox? Will you destroy everything you supposedly helped build? Or help rebuild it without the idea of thinking it owes you anything, it owes you nothing, it has given more to everyone that we ever gave it. SFT owes you nothing! And to think it does, well shows your own ego doesnt it?"

Doom grabs a broom and begins the long process of clearning the church. Today and tommorrow he will clean out the ashes and sutt. And on Sunday he will begin the rebuilding process of Legion's church. He will get a loan from someone and start to rebuild. It wll be rebuilt and left as Legion left it. A friend is a friend in this world and in the next. Doom if no one else will will honor the memory of the fallen.