Its taken me a while to speak about your death. I do not speak of it, even to Joey.  Its as if we pretend that if we dont speak about it, it did not happen.

We blame ourselves for your death or at least understand our hands in it.

I wish I could have been there with you in those final hours, to make you understand that it wasnt your fault, that you had other way outs, if nothing else than for you to have some company to that other place.  

No one wants to die alone, and at night I do not sleep.  I do not rest, it hasnt been long, but its been long enough, but the memory still remians.  Its funny that in SFT no one really understood the friendship we had.  They saw you as my protector, which is so funny, because I of all people needed no protection, what you showed was friendship and loyalty and in this world, in the world that is SFT, such a thing is unheard of.  People are so quick to make judgements.  Few ever got to know you, and I am glad for that.  It makes me that much more special for having known you, and it is they who missed out, sad thing is they dont even know how great a person you were.  They never will.  

For a time, I hated SFT, I hated it so much, I almost killed it.  I was lashing out, but I realize now, that SFT has nothing to do with us.  We were friends once, and will be again one day soon, I hope.

But what I really want to say is this, no matter what we shall always be friends, in life and in death.  Goodbye Alby, Goodnight and Godbless.

laters